Are Your Goals Moving You Forward or Holding You Back?

I've never been a big proponent of setting goals for a number of reasons. Traditional goal-setting tends to be about creating a list of things you think you "should" be doing in order to  reach some future circumstance you "think" will be better or will make you happier.

Here's the problem:

1. If your goals are focused on things you think you "should" be doing but that you're not really inspired to do, simply setting the goal isn't going to create the inspiration to reach it. Instead it's likely to create resistance which in turn leads to procrastination, which in turn often leads to making yourself miserable by beating yourself up for not having achieved whatever it may be.

2. The future circumstance that you think the goal will move you closer to is limited to what you imagine, based on current circumstances and knowledge, and past experience, is reasonable to work toward. It doesn't allow for the possibility that your life (and/or business) might unfold in ways you can't even fathom right now.

3. If you think reaching any goal is going to somehow magically make you happier, you're in for a rude awakening. Yes, reaching a goal may bring momentary pleasure in having achieved it but that rush is temporary. It won't "make" you happier long-term.  How many times have you told yourself you'd be happier when...you had more clients, made more money, bought a new car or new house...only to discover that the so-called "happiness" didn't last? If you're basing goals on the assumption that you'll be happier once you've achieved them then you're missing out on the happiness you could be experiencing in this moment, right NOW.

4. Long-term goals are (as mentioned in #2) set based on current circumstance and knowledge, and past experience, and don't account for the fact that your life is constantly evolving. And, once set, often become inflexible. Somehow we get caught in the trap that to discard a goal is a failure and all too often as a result we continue to blindly strive to achieve that goal, whether or not it still serves to move us forward.

It's this last problem with goals that prompted this post. I recently had a conversation with my 17 year old son about his future. Like many teens his age, his thoughts are often on where he's going, what he wants to do with his life, and how to move forward in a way that will set him up for success as an adult.

He was at a crossroads and distressed because a particular goal he'd set for himself a few years ago was in conflict with a wonderful opportunity that was recently presented to him. The intended benefit of both the original goal, and the new opportunity, were the same...to move him forward into adulthood in a positive way. What he was unable to see initially was that the new opportunity was a more direct means of getting to where he wanted to go, so the original goal, admirable as it was when he set it, was now the very thing that was getting in the way of his achieving the greater vision he had for his future.

Sometimes we get so focused on the goal itself, rather than the greater vision, that we miss opportunities in the moment. When was the last time you really evaluated whether the goals you've set for yourself are a help or a hindrance? And, have you ever considered that it might be even better to skip attempting to set specific goals and to focus instead on the bigger vision you have for your life, while tuning in to your intuition in this moment and trusting it to help you take the next best step?

Comments

[Terry Gold]

Very interesting post and position on goals. I've had goals since I was 16, maybe even before that so I'm not ready to throw them out, but on the other hand I get your point that achieving a goal just for the sake of checking it off a list isn't good either and could keep us from making the best decisions based on current information. I view goals as a way to break down what I think I want to achieve into steps that I can actually work on in the present.

I've always been willing to change my goals, and I just assumed I wasn't good at finishing projects, but maybe I was just making better decisions based on current information. I like it.

I have a feeling I'm going to be thinking about this post for awhile . . .

[Lisa Wilder]

Hi Terry!

Thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts.

In the way you describe, goals can be used to help us keep focused and moving forward on the things we feel inspired or called to do.

I'm not opposed to goals in and of themselves, if they're flexible and allow for the possibility that new opportunities may present themselves and so long as they're not set with the belief that we'll be "happy when..."

My intention with this post wasn't really to convince anyone to throw out their goals , so much as to spark new thought about how they're used.

Warmly,
Lisa