The Wilder Zone

Say What You Need to Say

 Whether you're writing posts for your blog, writing marketing copy, or speaking to potential clients if you really want to connect with your market you've got to say what you need to say. Not what you think others want you to say, or what you think you should say, but what you need to say, what you feel called to say.

A couple of weeks ago, after talking with a client about getting the word out about her services, I received an email from her, that said in part:

"These days, there are few things that have me feeling scared. The greatest fear I experience is around our marketing. I often will literally have fear - I break out in a sweat when getting ready to send out a marketing piece or when I make changes on our website. It all ties in with my fears of being misunderstood.

I've spent a lot of time trying to control situations to make sure that everyone is getting what I actually mean and not misinterpreting me and forming false assumptions. Since I can't control anyone, clearly this is a losing proposition! Then the idea of putting a marketing piece out into the ethers (on the internet) where I have absolutely no idea who is looking at it and what they are thinking - well, no wonder my fear goes through the roof!"

No wonder is right. And she's not alone in recognizing that it's scary to put yourself out there like that for all to see, and inevitably, criticize. But here's the thing...holding back or editing yourself in an attempt to please everyone is actually counter-productive. Your message, the message you feel called to share with others, isn't meant to appeal to everyone, because you aren't meant to serve everyone. In the attempt to please everyone your message will actually lose much of the appeal it would have held for those you are meant to serve.

Saying what you need to say, without restraint, will be incredibly appealing and will resonate in a big way with those you're meant to serve. When you say what you need to say, those you're meant to serve will know, without doubt, that they're in the right place, that they've found the right person, or product, or program or blog, to serve their needs.

And those that don't get it? You aren't meant to serve them and saying what you need to say creates a filter so that you don't waste time (yours or the potential client's) venturing into work with a client who isn't ideal for you, and for whom you aren't ideal. They'll move on to someone else. Someone who is better-suited to serve them.

If you've been holding back, censoring yourself, because you're afraid of how others may react, let me say it again...your message, the message you feel called to share with others, isn't meant to appeal to everyone, because you aren't meant to serve everyone.

Focus instead on speaking from your heart as if to a dear friend. Relax and let your passion for your message shine through. It's that passion that will make an almost instant connection with those you're meant to serve. Working with those you're meant to serve is what it's all about...it's energizing, exciting, meaningful, and incredibly fulfilling.

So say what you need to say! Practice right here, right now...in the comments below...what are your thoughts? What holds you back from speaking your mind, from sharing your passion? What's the worst thing that could happen if you began to say what you need to say? And how would saying what you need to say impact you and your biz in a positive way?


Photo originally uploaded by Michelle Brea

The #1 Myth About Living in the Moment

Life is all roses and sunshine and you live a fairy tale existence. Nothing ever goes wrong and you're always happy. That's the #1 myth about living in the moment.

I'm not sure how that myth got started but I suspect it had something to do with the positive thinking/affirmations movement. You know the one...where you're led to believe that if you try hard enough and think enough positive thoughts, that you'll always be happy, never suffering a moment's distress. The problem with attempting to maintain a constant stream of positive thinking is that we're intelligent enough to recognize when we're bullshitting ourselves.

And therein lies the critical distinction between positive thinking/affirmations and living in the moment. One is based on trying to convince yourself that life is all roses and sunshine even when the fact that you're dripping wet from head to toe is evidence that your parade has just been rained on, and one is based on the reality of the moment, on what is rather than on what you'd like reality to be.

It's this myth that living in the moment means always being happy that can leave you feeling as though you must be somehow doing it wrong or it's  something that only a select few "enlightened" spiritual masters ever attain, because, come on, let's get real here...no one is happy ALL the damn time.

The truth is, living in the moment, isn't about being happy all the time, thinking nothing but positive thoughts, or repeating affirmations all day long. It's not about being Mary Poppins. It's about being fully present in each moment with whatever is happening and with whatever you may be feeling, without resisting it, exaggerating it, telling stories about it, getting lost in the past, or projecting into the future.

Living fully, living in the moment, is about embracing all that life has to offer and cherishing the experience...the joys, and the sorrows. The beauty of living in the moment is that the more you're able to stay present to the moment, the more joy and peace you'll experience. Then even when the sorrows arise, as they inevitably will from time to time, you may find, as I have, that it doesn't last as long, and that despite the momentary sorrow, there's a knowing that underlies it, a knowing that you'll be okay, and that the sorrow will pass.

Spam By Any Other Name...Is Still SPAM

Spamming your market is NOT a good way to build your list. While you'd think that wouldn't need to be said, apparently it does.

I'm not talking about the "buy viagra cheap" kind of spam. Those folks are in the business of spamming. It's what they do and with the evolution of spam filters, most of it winds up in your spam folder where you don't have to deal with it. It's an annoyance that we've all accepted isn't likely to stop any time soon.

I'm talking about legitimate businesses that spam. Legitimate businesses that think adding a disclaimer to their spam somehow magically makes it something other than what it is...SPAM.

A case in point...I have received numerous email broadcasts from a business that prior to being spammed by them, I'd never heard of. I'd never visited their website, opted in to any offers, or in any other way given them permission to market to me.

At the end of each of these emails, advertising programs I have absolutely no interest in, is this disclaimer:

You have received this invitation due to specific educational affiliation. We respect your privacy and want to ensure that interested parties are made aware of (Biz name removed) programs and schedules. This is intended to be a one-time announcement. In any event, you should not receive any more announcements unless there is a program next year in your area. To be unlisted from next year's announcement, send a blank e-mail to (email address removed) and write "Unlist" in the subject line.

This is complete crap. I have no "specific educational affiliation" with this business, and if they respected my privacy they would never have spammed me with their announcements in the first place. Clearly it's not intended to be a one-time announcement or I wouldn't be receiving them on average once a week, and never have any of the programs been in my area.

Even more aggravating is the fact that sending an email requesting to be unlisted has not stopped the spam. Emailing the sender directly, after visiting the website to find the contact email, has also not stopped the spam.

Even if these were programs I had some interest in, I don't care to do business with a company that thinks it's okay to spam.

And while I'm on this rant about spam, let me just say that I find it every bit as annoying and aggravating when a Facebook "friend" spams me. Just because I've accepeted your friend invitation doesn't mean I'm giving you permission to add me to your email marketing list.

No matter how desperate you are to build your list, take the time to do it right. Please, please, please...don't resort to spamming others in an attempt to build your list. It will backfire in a BIG way. Pissing off potential clients is no way to build your list or your business. 

10 Ways to Snap Yourself Out of a Funk

You're feeling less than inspired today. You look at your to-do list and discover you don't feel much like doing any of it.

Some days you wake energetic and raring to go. You tackle one item after another, after another, on your to-do list. Each opportunity to cross something off the list giving you a boost of energy and a sense of being productive, of accomplishing something, of forward momentum.

Then there are days when despite your best efforts, you can't seem to get into that zone. Your energy is dragging, your thoughts are unfocused, your mood less than enthusiastic. It's what one of my closest friends and I call a funk. It's a bad case of the blahs that you can't quite seem to shake. Sometimes it's easy to identify what brought it on, other times it seems to come out of nowhere for no particular reason.

Whether you can identify the source of your funk or not, there are steps you can take to attempt to snap yourself out of it:

1. Let the sunshine in. Living and/or working in a dark cave with all the blinds closed is depressing. Open the blinds or drapes and flood the room with sunlight. If it's warm enough to open the windows to let in some fresh air, even better.

2. Crank up the tunes. Put on some uplifting, energizing tunes. Something with a beat that you can hardly resist moving to and then...

3. Get up and move. Exercise, dance around your living room, wrestle with the dog, go for a walk. Anything that gets your blood pumping.

4. Light a candle or diffuse an essential oil with an uplifting scent. Orange and lemon oils are two of my favorites.

5. Get out of the house. Go for a drive, go to a park, go to your local coffee house, have lunch at your favorite neighborhood cafe. Your funk just might be a bad case of cabin fever.

6.Read something inspiring.  Keep some inspirational reading handy for days like these.

7. Talk to a friend. Preferably one who knows you well and knows just how best to help you...with empathetic words, a good joke or a swift kick in the ass. My girlfriend and I do this for one another with the understanding that we are NOT allowed to be in a funk at the same time.

If you've tried all of the above and are still feeling in a funk...

8. Take a nap or meditate. Either can serve as a way to reboot. Ever wish you could crawl back into bed and start over...sometimes that's just what you need to do.

If upon rising, the funk is still with you...

9. Just DO it! Pick something, anything, on your to-do list and Just DO it.

That's not working either?

10. Take a mental health day and go see a good movie, get a pedicure, enjoy a latte, soak in a bubble bath, read a novel, get a massage ...whatever... the idea is to give yourself a break, to pamper yourself, to renew your energy.

And remember...this too shall pass, and tomorrow is a new day.

Photo originally uploaded by fodt

Must-Read Blogs - These Are Too Good To Miss

I've stumbled upon some really wonderful blogs in the last few weeks and I've been meaning to write a Must-Read Blog post for each. I'd intended to schedule them to go out one or two a week for the next few weeks, but they're all so good that I can't decide which to single out first and I don't want to wait to share them.

Blogs are all about creating community and the blogoshpere itself is a community, but these blogs are their own little mini-community. That's a big part of what has drawn me to them...not only the great talent of the bloggers themselves, but the way in which each of these blogs ties into the others through their comments and blogrolls.

They're listed in no particular order. I couldn't list them in order of which I like most because, like the individuals that created them, each is unique and fabulous in its own way.  I can't even list them in order of which I found first, or tell you which led me to which.

I can get a little crazy when discovering new blogs.  I happened across one, clicked the link of someone who had left a comment, clicked on one of that blogger's blogroll links, and around and around I went until I had half a dozen or more tabs open to all of these fabulous blogs.

So without further ado....

Rogue Ink - Tei Lindstrom - This is a brand new blog that is already developing a loyal following and it's no wonder. Tei writes in a witty, irreverent way that is uniquely hers, that makes me laugh aloud and that keeps me coming back each day to see what she'll say next. 

6 Weeks - Brett Legree - Kleenex alert! Brett has a way with words and storytelling that draws you in...to the stories and  to the deeper emotion behind them. A couple of his posts have left me at a loss for words and reaching for the kleenex, and others have left me smiling and laughing.

Life's Little Inspirations - Wendi Kelly - Wendi had me hooked with her post, Slow Cooking Frogs. You gotta love that title! <g> She too, has an amazing talent for weaving a really good story. She inspires while also keeping it real. Something I very much admire.

IttyBiz - Naomi Dunford - Naomi is what my dear friend Andy Wibbels would call "snarky" and he should know...he's the King of Snarky. And, if Andy is the King of Snarky, Naomi is the Queen. Love it! She delivers great advice for those of us running IttyBizzes and more often than not has me laughing my ass off at the same time. Not to mention reading the banter between those that comment on her posts is a bit like eavesdropping on an IM conversation. Kinda hard to resist.

Rock Your Day - Dave Navarro - When you need a tough-love kick in the ass (and I don't care who you are, we all need that once in awhile), Dave's your man. He delivers thought, and more importantly, emotion-provoking posts that will not just inspire, but motivate you to take action.

Men With Pens - James Chartrand & Harrison McLeod - This is one I happened across awhile ago, but that somehow must have gotten lost in the flurry. Thanks to one of the blogs above, I've re-discovered them and the plethora of wisdom they share. After seeing the incredibly awesome custom banner they designed for Tei I just might have to hire them to do one for The Wilder Zone (I know, I know....it's way overdue).

What is also way overdue is my lunch break. I'm starving. May I suggest you take a much-deserved break as well to check out all of these fabulous folks and their blogs? Just be forewarned...they're addictive.

FREE Skin Cancer Screenings

It was a spring day about three years ago when my oldest son came home from an appointment with the dermatologist. He'd had a stubborn rash we suspected was due to an allergy to metal that wasn't responding to the OTC hydro-cortisone creams I'd purchased for him.

"How'd it go?" I asked.

"Fine. He wrote me a scrip, said it should clear up within a week or so," he replied. Then, almost as an after-thought, he went on, "Oh, and he biopsied three moles."

I'd been working when he walked in, and I must admit, I hadn't been giving him my full attention. At that, my head snapped up, and I screeched, "He did WHAT?!" He now had my full, unwavering attention. "What do you mean he biopsied three moles?"

"He said there were three moles on my back that looked suspicious, so he removed them and sent them to be biopsied," he replied calmly.

There were two reasons why this news came as a bit of a surprise to me.  Not only had my son not gone to the dermatologist for a skin cancer screening, but he was barely 18 at the time.  It never even dawned on me that a skin cancer screening might be a good idea for someone so young.  After the initial surprise, I wasn't too concerned for the same reason. I marked my calendar for the day a week or so later, when the doctor had told him he'd have results, and didn't give it too much more thought.

Imagine my surprise when my son got the call from the doctor telling him that although the moles hadn't been actively malignant, they were pre-cancerous. The doctor went on to explain to my son, that had they not been removed they would have grown into melanoma, likely within ten years. I was floored. The thought that, had my son not happened into the dermatologist for something totally unrelated, he could well have wound up with melanoma by the time he was 28, was hard to comprehend.

To say that I am incredibly grateful that he did go to the dermatologist when he did, and incredibly grateful that this particular doctor took the time to screen him while he was there, is an understatement of epic proportions.

Why am I telling you all this? Because May is Skin Cancer Awareness Month and Olay, the American Society for Dermatologic Surgery (ASDS) and Marcia Cross have joined together to invite you and your girlfriends to get a free skin cancer screening.

While the invitation reads "you and your girlfriends," the offer isn't limited (from what I can tell) to women, so spread the word and invite all those you care about, men and women, young or old, to take advantage of the opportunity to get checked. Better safe than sorry. As with any cancer, the importance of early detection can't be stressed strongly enough.

Photo originally uploaded by RcktManIL's

Letting Go of Fear - When Denial is a Good Thing

That's my oldest son, sitting proudly on his brand-spankin' new motorcycle, moments after rolling it off the showroom floor last July. His excitement that day was palpable. I think the last time he'd been that excited was on his 2nd birthday when his dad and I presented him with his first car - a little red (battery operated) corvette.

His excitement that day was equal to my fear. As I snapped that photo that day, I was smiling at his excitement, even as I was internally panicking. I wanted to be happy for him, was happy for him on one level, but equally afraid on another.

The idea of my sweet little boy (okay, yes, I get that he isn't a little boy anymore...that's beside the point) cruising along at 65 mph on the freeway with cars zooming past him...well, suffice it to say, even now, the thought makes me physically shudder. There is no fear quite like that of a parent for the life of their child. If you let it, it can consume you.

I drove my son completely nuts for the first few weeks, with nearly constant reminders to be careful, to remember that motorcycles are virtually invisible to other drivers, to be sure he was ultra-aware of his surroundings, etc. etc. etc. I knew I was driving him crazy. I knew I was being the stereotypical, over-protective mother, but I couldn't quite help myself.

Everyone I know who rides, or has ever ridden, has put their bike down at least once, if not more than once, and the thought of the potentially life-threatening reality of my son doing so at some point, was, to put it mildly, causing me to go a little out of my mind. I joked to him and to others, that I'd never have a peaceful night's sleep again, and I was only half-joking. It didn't take long for me to realize that if I didn't somehow find a way to let go of my fear, I really wouldn't ever have a peaceful night's sleep again.

My son was 20 when he bought that bike. No longer a child, and living on his own. It was out of my control and there was nothing I could do to ensure his safety, or to change his mind about riding a bike. He's 21 now, living in California, and he rides that bike every day. He doesn't own a car, and has no plans to purchase one. He rides that bike, day or night, sun or rain, clear skies or (gasp!) through thick, early morning (as in 3am) fog.

Last week, the rear tire went flat while he was traveling 55+ on a winding stretch of two-lane highway. As he described the tail end of the bike suddenly going wild, the only thing that kept me from having a heart attack right then and there was the fact that his voice on the phone proved he'd survived the scare unharmed.

If I allowed myself to think about, to envision, the possible dire consequences of his passion for riding, I would literally go out of my mind. So, I don't. I simply do not think about it. Most of the time.

Occasionally, the thought that the middle of the night phone call I most dread might come, does unwittingly enter my mind, as it did last night as I was drifting off to sleep. The fear gripping my heart like an icy-cold, iron vise. The thought that I could lose my son so unbearable, that I simply must shut it out again.

It's a form of denial that serves me well. It's the kind of denial that is, indeed, a very good thing. A sanity-saving thing. While denial is not something I would normally recommend as a healthy coping strategy, in instances where the circumstances that elicit fear are completely and totally out of your control, there's nothing much else to do. It serves no purpose, whatsoever, to allow fear to become a constant companion.

Denial then becomes a means by which to let go of the fear. It allows me to look at the photo of my son on his bike, and smile. Smile at how proud he was to have bought it himself. Smile at how excited he was to live something he'd only dreamed of before. Smile to know that riding is just one of the ways in which he lives his life fully. Joyfully. And that, more than anything, is what I've always wanted for my son.

Learning to Roll With the Unpredictability of Life

Yesterday was a beautiful spring day...blue skies and sunshine and a high of 80. Today? It's snowing here in Denver. To the right is the view out the window beside my desk. The leaves on the tree, green again, and flowering. Some of the white you see on the tree are flowers, some snow.  A study in contrast...spring unfolding even as winter holds on for another day.

I could bemoan the cold temps and slushy snow but the weather doesn't much care what I think of it and isn't going to change to suit my mood or desires. So I figure I have two choices...I can spend the day whining and wishing for sunshine, or I can enjoy the beauty and almost magical quality of the snow falling outside my window, to land on the newly green leaves and the early spring blooms of the trees.

If not for tv and radio broadcasting weather predictions, no one would have guessed while enjoying the lovely spring day yesterday, that today would bring snow. Mother Nature is like that, and so is life. I cannot predict, based on today, what tomorrow will bring, and so I try not to spin stories, positive or negative, about events that have yet to happen, and when something occurs that isn't quite as expected or predicted, I try to roll with it, to make the most of it, to see the positive rather than the negative. For me, living fully, means living in the moment, and embracing whatever shows up in my life.

Am I always successful? Nope. Sometimes I catch myself getting stuck in resistance, in wishing things were somehow different. The beauty of life is that it gives us lots of opportunity for practice, and so today I'm snuggled into my favorite comfy spot on my couch with my sweet puppy curled up beside me as I write, and I smile each time I look up to see the big fluffy snowflakes falling gently outside my window.