The Wilder Zone

The Magic of Spring

Ahhh...Spring. Blue skies, sunshine, warmer temps, crocus and daffodil peeking up through the earth, and green buds and flowers blooming on the trees. I love Spring!

There's something almost magical about the energy of Spring. There's an air of anticipation...of growth, strength, beauty and possibility. It never fails to inspire within me the desire to shake things up, to play with new ideas, to fling the windows open to welcome not only the soft spring breeze and the sunshine, but all that life has to offer.

At the first signs of Spring I find myself suddenly and spontaneously filled with an almost child-like glee. I smile and laugh even more freely and I'm somehow even more light-hearted and playful.

I also find myself feeling compelled to clear out the old to make room for the new. It makes me want to clean and freshen things....to rearrange furniture, paint, buy new bedding, or bring flowers inside to enjoy and to remind me, that even when the temps drop again and Winter attempts to hang on for a few more days, that Spring is just around the corner, rich with possibility and opportunity.

How does Spring inspire you? What can you do to shake things up? To invite new ideas, new opportunities, new experiences into your life? I'd love it if you'd share your thoughts in the comments.

Discover How Your Sex Life Affects the Success of Your Business

Yup, you heard me, your sex life. If you're wondering what on earth that has to do with the success of your biz, then join Marie Forleo and I on March 11th for a free tele-seminar, "The 8 Biggest Mistakes Even Smart Women Make in Business, & How to Avoid Them."

Whether you're a passionate entrepreneurial woman (or man) who has been in biz for awhile and you aren't quite seeing the results you'd like to, or you're just starting out and want to avoid making the same mistakes we did, if you love what you do and want to make a difference in the world while growing your biz, this is a call you won't want to miss.You'll learn just how your sex life affects the success of your biz, and so much more.

Marie and I LOVE the work we do together and we always have so much fun on these calls. We promise...this won't be one of those dry bore-you-to-tears tele-seminars that you sit through in the hopes of gleaning something worthwhile only to discover it's nothing more than hype.

This will be a call packed with valuable info you'll be able to put to use in your biz immediately, delivered in a candid, but irreverent way that will be both fun and inspiring. Join us live if you can, and if you can't make the call live, register anyway and we'll shoot you the recorded mp3 after the call.

Turn Your "Woe-is-Me" Story into Your "Why" Story

If you really want to transform your life and your biz you've got to drop your "woe-is-me" story. You know the one..the one that sounds like the latest episode of some dramatic soap opera. The one in which you cast yourself in the role of victim to all of the terrible injustices that have been heaped upon you over the years. The one you use to explain why your life isn't working and never will. The one you use as an excuse for why you can't do or be more. The one you use as an out so you don't even have to try.

There are as many variations of the "woe-is-me" story as there are people on the planet. Each is unique in the details, but alike in that they hold us back from being and expressing more fully who we really are. Some common themes:

• I'm miserable and unhappy because my parents abused me when I was a child.
• I can't have a healthy, happy relationship because my father abandoned me, my husband cheated on me, my mother was an alcoholic, my parents fought all the time, etc...
• I can't grow my business right now because my children make too many demands on my time.
• I can't be successful because I never had the opportunity to go to college.

And of course, the list could go on and on...ad nauseum. No doubt you've perfected the telling of your "woe-is-me" story as if it were a fine art. It's in our nature to be quite gifted at story-telling, and it's easy to continue spinning the same story over and over again, year after year.

The challenge lies not in spinning the "woe-is-me" story, but in letting it go, in refusing to any longer allow it to shape who you are and what you're capable of. While your story (your past) has certainly contributed to who you are, it does not define you, nor does it have to shape your future.

Now we come to the paradox...

The very story that is critical to let go of may hold the essence of the story that will transform your life and your biz. Flip that "woe-is-me" story around to craft a compelling "why" story and you've discovered the key to re-igniting your passion, inspiring others and to attracting those you're meant to serve. For entrepreneurs the telling of your story from a different perspective is the key to inspiring clients to engage your services, buy your products, subscribe to your blogs or ezines, and to inspiring and exciting your team to be and do their best.

Every entrepreneur I've ever worked with has had a personal story about why they do what they do, and how they came to feel such a strong desire to make a difference in the lives of others. Often times, though it's this very story that drives them to go into biz for themselves, they aren't consciously aware of it and they've never thought to attempt to articulate it.

Becoming aware of your reason for doing what you do and taking the time to articulate it to others, is one of the most powerful ways to transform your life and your biz. Not only will it renew your passion for the work that you do but it will inspire others and it will resonate emotionally with those you're meant to serve.

A powerful "why" story will tell those you're meant to serve why you do what you do, that they're in the right place, that they've found the right person to help them, that you've been where they are, that if you can do it, so can they.

So what is the difference between a "woe-is-me" story and a "why" story?

They often have quite a lot in common. The difference lies not so much in the content of the story but in the way you spin it.

The "woe-is-me" story is spun with as much drama as possible, and it's focus is on the past and all of the ways in which your past prevents you from being or doing more with your life. The "why" story, although it has it's foundation in the past, is focused on how that same past has inspired you to be and do more and to make a difference in the lives of others.

A Personal Example

My "woe-is-me" story went something like this:

Poor me. My father abused me as a child and I had a bad marriage. I'll never be good enough. No one will ever really love me. I'll never be happy. I'll never have a good career or be successful because I'm too busy taking care of a husband and two kids. I'll never be happy or successful because of the problems with my health. I can't do this, I can't do that, because, because, because....don't you feel terribly sorry for me?

Ugh! As you can plainly see the only thing your "woe-is-me" story is likely to do is engender pity or sympathy for those unlucky enough to be within earshot of your whining.

Now for my "why" story:

Having been abused as a child and in an emotionally abusive marriage for many years, I put on a facade for so long that I lost sight of who I was, and of what I wanted in my life. I coasted through life on auto-pilot, numb not only to the pain I'd been feeling, but to happiness and joy as well. I was barely surviving, let alone really living.

Then one day I woke up. I began learning to be more present rather than numbing out. To feel whatever I was feeling, rather than trying to avoid emotion, and I began to get re-acquainted with myself, my emotions and my desires. I began living more fully, I let go of my "woe-is-me" story and all of the reasons it prevented me from being and doing more, and my life transformed in ways I'd never known to even dream of...

I am happier, more fulfilled, and more passionate about my life than I ever knew it was possible to be. My life has gone from something I must "deal" with and "get through," to something I cherish every moment of. It's that very transformation in my own life that drives me to want to help others to transform their lives. It's why I do what I do...because I want others to experience the joy of living life fully, of going after their dreams, of being passionate about life and all it has to offer. I want others to experience the magic I have.

I think you'll agree that my "why" story is much more compelling and inspiring than my "woe-is-me" story could ever be. 

Transforming your "woe-is-me" story into your "why" story

Drop the drama of your "woe-is-me" story and look at how you can transform it into an inspiring story of why you do what you do. Ask yourself:

• What about your past experience inspired you to go into business to serve others?
• What past experiences make you uniquely qualified to serve others?
• What difference do you want to make in the world and for others?

Don't censor yourself in an attempt to say what you think others want you to say, or to say what you think you "should" say. Speak boldly and authentically from your heart. It's that genuine expression of who you are and why you do what you do that will speak to, and resonate with, those you're meant to serve, and that has the power to transform your life and your biz.

The Powerful Woman's Motto

I love quotes. I collect them. Some are thought-provoking, some are inspirational, some make me laugh and lift my mood. So when I came across the Powerful Woman's Motto on Pam Thomas' blog, Walking My Own Walk, I simply had to share it.

The Powerful Woman's Motto: Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says..."Oh shit...she's awake!!"

I love it! It made me laugh aloud and it paints such a visual. What a fun way to think about how very powerful we really are when we consciously choose to take an active role in our lives to create what we want.

How to Get Out of Your Own Way: Challenging Self-Defeating Assumptions

We all do it. We all make assumptions. We know better. We know we shouldn't make assumptions, but we do it anyway, often without even realizing we're doing it.

A few weeks ago my son called, as he often does, to talk with me about what's going on in his life, and on that particular day he was telling me about how he'd learned he was going to be moved to a different department at work, and how he was disappointed because he preferred to stay in the department he was already in.

I had asked him then, if he'd voiced that desire to his boss and he said he'd mentioned the switch (without really voicing his desire to stay in his current dept.), but that his boss told him he needed his talents in the other department.

Then a few days later, he called to excitedly share with me that one of his co-workers, whom he'd talked with about the change, had gone to his boss to state a case for why he should stay in his current department. Apparently his co-worker was quite convincing, because his boss decided not to move him to a different department.

I told him how happy I was for him, and asked him if he realized now that he could have done the same thing for himself. He paused for a moment, and said, sounding almost surprised by the realization, "Yeah, I guess I could have, huh?"

When I asked him if it had occurred to him initially to approach his boss to state his case for staying in his department, he said that it had, but.... Knowing my son as well as I do, I told him that I was betting that somewhere in the back of his mind was the belief that it wouldn't make any difference if he spoke up and/or that it would be confrontational if he did. He said that was exactly what he'd been telling himself.

His conditioned mind had made a couple of self-defeating assumptions...that it wouldn't matter, that it would be confrontational...and what he discovered was that it didn't have to be confrontational and that it could make all the difference...he could have simply and calmly (as his co-worker had done) state the benefits to his boss and to the company, of leaving him in his department.

It was only in hindsight that my son realized that he'd been making assumptions. He'd been blaming an inaccurate view of the situation (that his boss' decision was beyond his ability to influence) for his discontent, when in reality it was his own self-defeating assumptions that were casting him in the role of victim.

This realization, even in hindsight, brings with it a new level of awareness. It doesn't guarantee that he won't ever again make self-defeating assumptions, but it makes it more likely that he'll catch himself doing it if he does. Awareness is key. If you can become aware of the self-defeating assumptions you're making, you can then challenge them.

How to Get Out of Your Own Way

1. Become Aware - The next time you're feeling the victim to some situation or circumstance, the first step to getting out of your own way is to become aware. Take a good look at the thoughts that have been running through your mind. What assumptions might you be making about the situation or about your ability to influence the situation?

2. Challenge the Assumptions - Once you've become aware of the assumptions you've been making, the next step is to challenge those assumptions. What if those assumptions are just that? What if they aren't true? What if it's those very assumptions that are getting in your way?

3. Explore the Possibilites -  Self-defeating assumptions severely limit our view of what is possible. If your original assumption is untrue, what positive, pro-active steps might you take? What possibilities might there be that your self-defeating assumption was preventing you from seeing? (If you find this step challenging, engage a supportive, non-judgmental friend or loved one who is able to see the situation from a more objective perspective, to help you brainstorm.)

4. Take Action! - Take whatever positive, pro-active steps you identified in step 3. If you find this step intimidating or scary, ask yourself...What have you really got to lose? In my experience, nine times out of ten, the answer to that question is nothing. If, indeed, no action you take will serve to influence the situation, then you're no worse off than if you'd allowed the self-defeating assumption to stand and you'd done nothing. The difference is, having taken whatever steps you could, you'll come away from the siuation knowing you did all you could, rather than feeling victimized, and you won't get lost in regret later, wondering if you'd only done this or that, if things could have been different.

So my question to you is this...what self-defeating assumptions are you making and how might you, and your life, be different if you challenge them?

Don't Believe Everything You Think

Those were the words I once saw on a bumper sticker. It made  me laugh aloud because, strange as it may sound, it's great advice. It's just the kind of simple, yet profound wisdom that can transform your life.

Have you ever noticed that your thoughts, for the most part, are much the same day after day after day? If the exact thoughts aren't the same, the general content often is. 

It's as though our thoughts are caught in a perpetual loop that plays over and over again creating our own personal "Groundhog's Day." (For those of you not familiar with the movie, the main character finds himself stuck re-living the same day of his life, over and over and over again.)

A great deal of these thoughts are negative and not only don't serve us, but hold us back from being and expressing all that we are. They keep us stuck reliving the past, or fantasizing about the future, wondering "what if?" and "if only..." These thoughts create unnecessary worry, stress, anxiety, fear, and regret.

They're full of judgments and criticism, comparison and complaint about ourselves, our lives, and others, creating feelings of guilt, shame, inadequacy, dissatisfaction, resentment and unhappiness.

It's no wonder that we go in search of answers, of a better way, of anything that will give us some relief from the constant stream of thoughts, and that will help us attain the happiness that, at times, can seem so elusive.

If you've got a shelf full of self-improvement books then you know that much of the "self-help wisdom" tells you that you have to work hard to identify your limiting beliefs and to then change or control your thoughts, or replace them with positive affirmations.

But it doesn't have to be that hard. You don't have to identify every limiting belief or change every negative thought to a positive one. Instead, just don't believe everything you think.

Sounds easier said than done, right? It's not really, although it does take practice, and like anything else, with practice it gets easier and easier.

Rather than get caught up in a negative thought loop, practice becoming aware of your thoughts before they race wildly out of control and use them as a reminder to bring your attention back into the moment.

It's only in this moment, right here, right now, that you can be happy. You can't go back into the past to be happy, and you can't jump ahead into the future to be happy, and you don't have to "fix"  yourself or others or your life, to be happy.

You just have to be present in this moment rather than stuck in your head. When you buy into believing everything you think and you get caught up in the perpetual loop of those thoughts, you're missing out on your life, on this moment. It's believing everything we think that creates much of the misery we feel and that sucks the joy and the fun out of our lives.

You can spend the precious moments of your life caught up in wishing things were different, beating yourself up for things you "think" you should have done or not done, telling yourself that you'll be happy when this, that or the other thing happens, or that you'll never be happy because you came from a dysfunctional family, aren't pretty enough, smart enough, good enough, etc....or you can stop believing all the bs your mind likes to feed you and you can get fully engaged in your life, in this moment, because...

It's only in this moment, right here, right now that you can be happy.

How Living in the Moment Can Save Your Life

There are some activities that naturally fine-tune your ability to be fully present and living in the moment. Any activity where truly intense focus is necessary to avoid the threat of death requires that you learn to be fully present in each moment. Skydiving, rock climbing, motorcycle riding...

If you happened to read my previous post, then you know that my oldest son bought a motorcycle just over a year ago. Needless to say, while I was happy for him, there was an underlying sense of panic...a fear that one day I'd get one of those phone calls every parent most dreads...telling me that my son had been in an accident.

It required every bit of my live-in-the-moment skills to let go of that fear so that it didn't consume me. Had I not been practicing living in the moment I could have spent much of the last year missing out on my life, driving myself nuts with worry, but that would only have served to make me miserable, and probably to make my son miserable with the relentless nagging to be careful that would likely have resulted. : )

It would not, could not, have prevented my son from being in an accident or prevented the dreaded phone call that would follow if he were.

That dreaded phone call came last Friday morning.

My son was riding his motorcycle home late Thursday night when a large flat-bed truck ran a stop sign and made a left turn directly in front of him. He was traveling at 45 mph and had only a split second to react. He swerved hard to the right, missing the flat-bed of the truck by mere inches, only to realize in the next moment that he could not avoid the curb that he was then rapidly approaching.

He hit the curb with such force that his butt flew three feet off the seat of his bike. It was in that moment that he let go of the handlebars. The last thing he remembers was looking down at his bike five feet below as he flew through the air, then the flash of white light he saw as his head hit the ground and he began tumbling, coming to a stop about 40 feet from where his bike lay.

Thankfully, all things considered, he suffered only minor injuries...a few broken ribs, a badly sprained wrist and ankle, a mild concussion and many abrasions and bruises.

Had he not been fully present in those moments, had he not swerved in that split second, had he hit the truck, or had he not let go of his bike in the moment he hit the curb, had he gotten tangled in the bike, the result could have been much, much worse.

It was precisely because he was living fully in the moment during those split seconds that he was able to take the instantaneous actions that saved his life.

Are You Living an Extraordinary Life?

On the surface my life is quite ordinary. I'm not a billionaire. I don't own three gargantuan homes, a fleet of ridiculously expensive cars or a private jet. I don't have a personal chef, a housekeeper or a butler. I don't have a giant walk-in closet with 3,000 pair of designer shoes, an expensive evening gown for every day of the year or a jewelry box full of diamonds. And I'm not sitting on the beach on a tropical island sipping a margarita as I write this. (Although I'm working on that last part...how cool would that be?!)

Despite not having all those things, I live an extraordinary life. I live a life that for most of my life I never even dared to dream of. More than that...that I didn't even know was possible. It was so far out of my experience that I couldn't conceive of living the life I do now.

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.” - anonymous

You see, I'm not a materialistic person and I don't measure my life by the things I own or the balance in my checking account. I measure my life, as the quote above says, by the moments that take my breath away. My life is not extraordinary because of untold material riches, but because of the richness of the experiences each day brings. It's in the little but oh-so-meaningful things...

It's waking each morning wrapped in my honey's arms, the feeling of being so well-loved filling my being.

It's the sound of the birds chirping outside our window as the early dawn light softly fills the room.

It's our sweet puppy greeting us with unrestrained enthusiasm and excitement after we've been gone, whether for five minutes or five hours, or watching her romp with the other dogs at the doggie swimming pool.

It's tickle time with my honey's boys, the sound of their laughter, or the look in their eyes when they gaze so adoringly at their dad.

It's the unexpected phone call from my son (calling from CA) to share some news, or simply to say hi.

It's the sound of my son's laughter and the sparkle in his eyes when he teases me.

It's witnessing a client's spontaneous "a-ha!" moment, or hearing the joy in their voice after a new breakthrough.

It's brainstorming a new idea or project with a colleague that sparks even greater passion for the work I do.

It's the sight of my honey coming up the walkway after work, and the soft, sweet kiss that follows.

It's that first bite of a delicious meal, or the first sip of a really good espresso or wine.

It's the feel of the sun, and a cool breeze, on my skin on a warm summer day.

It's a cold beer on a hot afternoon.

It's the sight of a beautiful rainbow after an afternoon thunderstorm or the amazing sunset that lights the sky up with shades of orange, pink, and purple.

It's kicking back in my favorite comfy spot with a good book, indulging in a luxurious massage, or catching up with a friend.

It's the long, heart-to-heart talk with my honey that lingers into the wee hours of the morning.

It's waking early on the weekend to realize I don't have to be up and snuggling back in for another hour or two.

It's cruising along in my sweet little honda civic on a gorgeous day with the tunes cranked up, singing and moving to the rhythm of an upbeat song.

It's laughing with my honey until we cry and our sides hurt. 

I could go on and on. My life is filled with these moments, as I'm sure yours is too. What makes them extraordinary, what makes my life extraordinary, is living in the moment, being fully present for these moments. Reveling in them, savoring them, opening my heart and soul fully to them, and truly appreciating them.

It's brought me indescribable joy, made my life (and my biz) so much more meaningful and fulfilling that even in those moments that are less joyful, or downright hard, there's an underlying sense of peace and well-being.

Extraordinary is one of those illusive words that has different meanings for different people. Only you can define what an extraordinary life is for you. How is your life extraordinary? And if it isn't, what do you need to do to open more fully to your life and to the precious moments that can make it extraordinary?

Photo originally uploaded by dtcchc

Ten Other Commandments to Live By

1.  You shall not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.

2.  You shall not be fearful, for most of the things we fear never come to pass.

3.  You shall not carry grudges, for they are the heaviest of all life's burdens.

4.  You shall face each problem as it comes. You can only handle one at a time anyway.

5.  You shall not take problems to bed with you, for they make very poor bedfellows.

6.  You shall not borrow other people's problems. They can better care for them than you.

7.  You shall not try to relive yesterday for good or ill, it is forever gone. Concentrate on what is happening    in your life and be happy now.

8.  You shall be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own.

9.  You shall not become bogged down by frustration, for 90% of it is rooted in self-pity and will only interfere with positive action.

10. You shall count your blessings, never overlooking the small ones, for a lot of small blessings add up to a big one.

~ Author Unknown

Have you made other commitments to live by? If so, I hope you'll take a few moments to share them in the comments.

Say What You Need to Say

 Whether you're writing posts for your blog, writing marketing copy, or speaking to potential clients if you really want to connect with your market you've got to say what you need to say. Not what you think others want you to say, or what you think you should say, but what you need to say, what you feel called to say.

A couple of weeks ago, after talking with a client about getting the word out about her services, I received an email from her, that said in part:

"These days, there are few things that have me feeling scared. The greatest fear I experience is around our marketing. I often will literally have fear - I break out in a sweat when getting ready to send out a marketing piece or when I make changes on our website. It all ties in with my fears of being misunderstood.

I've spent a lot of time trying to control situations to make sure that everyone is getting what I actually mean and not misinterpreting me and forming false assumptions. Since I can't control anyone, clearly this is a losing proposition! Then the idea of putting a marketing piece out into the ethers (on the internet) where I have absolutely no idea who is looking at it and what they are thinking - well, no wonder my fear goes through the roof!"

No wonder is right. And she's not alone in recognizing that it's scary to put yourself out there like that for all to see, and inevitably, criticize. But here's the thing...holding back or editing yourself in an attempt to please everyone is actually counter-productive. Your message, the message you feel called to share with others, isn't meant to appeal to everyone, because you aren't meant to serve everyone. In the attempt to please everyone your message will actually lose much of the appeal it would have held for those you are meant to serve.

Saying what you need to say, without restraint, will be incredibly appealing and will resonate in a big way with those you're meant to serve. When you say what you need to say, those you're meant to serve will know, without doubt, that they're in the right place, that they've found the right person, or product, or program or blog, to serve their needs.

And those that don't get it? You aren't meant to serve them and saying what you need to say creates a filter so that you don't waste time (yours or the potential client's) venturing into work with a client who isn't ideal for you, and for whom you aren't ideal. They'll move on to someone else. Someone who is better-suited to serve them.

If you've been holding back, censoring yourself, because you're afraid of how others may react, let me say it again...your message, the message you feel called to share with others, isn't meant to appeal to everyone, because you aren't meant to serve everyone.

Focus instead on speaking from your heart as if to a dear friend. Relax and let your passion for your message shine through. It's that passion that will make an almost instant connection with those you're meant to serve. Working with those you're meant to serve is what it's all about...it's energizing, exciting, meaningful, and incredibly fulfilling.

So say what you need to say! Practice right here, right now...in the comments below...what are your thoughts? What holds you back from speaking your mind, from sharing your passion? What's the worst thing that could happen if you began to say what you need to say? And how would saying what you need to say impact you and your biz in a positive way?


Photo originally uploaded by Michelle Brea