The Wilder Zone

Discover How Your Sex Life Affects the Success of Your Business

Yup, you heard me, your sex life. If you're wondering what on earth that has to do with the success of your biz, then join Marie Forleo and I on March 11th for a free tele-seminar, "The 8 Biggest Mistakes Even Smart Women Make in Business, & How to Avoid Them."

Whether you're a passionate entrepreneurial woman (or man) who has been in biz for awhile and you aren't quite seeing the results you'd like to, or you're just starting out and want to avoid making the same mistakes we did, if you love what you do and want to make a difference in the world while growing your biz, this is a call you won't want to miss.You'll learn just how your sex life affects the success of your biz, and so much more.

Marie and I LOVE the work we do together and we always have so much fun on these calls. We promise...this won't be one of those dry bore-you-to-tears tele-seminars that you sit through in the hopes of gleaning something worthwhile only to discover it's nothing more than hype.

This will be a call packed with valuable info you'll be able to put to use in your biz immediately, delivered in a candid, but irreverent way that will be both fun and inspiring. Join us live if you can, and if you can't make the call live, register anyway and we'll shoot you the recorded mp3 after the call.

Turn Your "Woe-is-Me" Story into Your "Why" Story

If you really want to transform your life and your biz you've got to drop your "woe-is-me" story. You know the one..the one that sounds like the latest episode of some dramatic soap opera. The one in which you cast yourself in the role of victim to all of the terrible injustices that have been heaped upon you over the years. The one you use to explain why your life isn't working and never will. The one you use as an excuse for why you can't do or be more. The one you use as an out so you don't even have to try.

There are as many variations of the "woe-is-me" story as there are people on the planet. Each is unique in the details, but alike in that they hold us back from being and expressing more fully who we really are. Some common themes:

• I'm miserable and unhappy because my parents abused me when I was a child.
• I can't have a healthy, happy relationship because my father abandoned me, my husband cheated on me, my mother was an alcoholic, my parents fought all the time, etc...
• I can't grow my business right now because my children make too many demands on my time.
• I can't be successful because I never had the opportunity to go to college.

And of course, the list could go on and on...ad nauseum. No doubt you've perfected the telling of your "woe-is-me" story as if it were a fine art. It's in our nature to be quite gifted at story-telling, and it's easy to continue spinning the same story over and over again, year after year.

The challenge lies not in spinning the "woe-is-me" story, but in letting it go, in refusing to any longer allow it to shape who you are and what you're capable of. While your story (your past) has certainly contributed to who you are, it does not define you, nor does it have to shape your future.

Now we come to the paradox...

The very story that is critical to let go of may hold the essence of the story that will transform your life and your biz. Flip that "woe-is-me" story around to craft a compelling "why" story and you've discovered the key to re-igniting your passion, inspiring others and to attracting those you're meant to serve. For entrepreneurs the telling of your story from a different perspective is the key to inspiring clients to engage your services, buy your products, subscribe to your blogs or ezines, and to inspiring and exciting your team to be and do their best.

Every entrepreneur I've ever worked with has had a personal story about why they do what they do, and how they came to feel such a strong desire to make a difference in the lives of others. Often times, though it's this very story that drives them to go into biz for themselves, they aren't consciously aware of it and they've never thought to attempt to articulate it.

Becoming aware of your reason for doing what you do and taking the time to articulate it to others, is one of the most powerful ways to transform your life and your biz. Not only will it renew your passion for the work that you do but it will inspire others and it will resonate emotionally with those you're meant to serve.

A powerful "why" story will tell those you're meant to serve why you do what you do, that they're in the right place, that they've found the right person to help them, that you've been where they are, that if you can do it, so can they.

So what is the difference between a "woe-is-me" story and a "why" story?

They often have quite a lot in common. The difference lies not so much in the content of the story but in the way you spin it.

The "woe-is-me" story is spun with as much drama as possible, and it's focus is on the past and all of the ways in which your past prevents you from being or doing more with your life. The "why" story, although it has it's foundation in the past, is focused on how that same past has inspired you to be and do more and to make a difference in the lives of others.

A Personal Example

My "woe-is-me" story went something like this:

Poor me. My father abused me as a child and I had a bad marriage. I'll never be good enough. No one will ever really love me. I'll never be happy. I'll never have a good career or be successful because I'm too busy taking care of a husband and two kids. I'll never be happy or successful because of the problems with my health. I can't do this, I can't do that, because, because, because....don't you feel terribly sorry for me?

Ugh! As you can plainly see the only thing your "woe-is-me" story is likely to do is engender pity or sympathy for those unlucky enough to be within earshot of your whining.

Now for my "why" story:

Having been abused as a child and in an emotionally abusive marriage for many years, I put on a facade for so long that I lost sight of who I was, and of what I wanted in my life. I coasted through life on auto-pilot, numb not only to the pain I'd been feeling, but to happiness and joy as well. I was barely surviving, let alone really living.

Then one day I woke up. I began learning to be more present rather than numbing out. To feel whatever I was feeling, rather than trying to avoid emotion, and I began to get re-acquainted with myself, my emotions and my desires. I began living more fully, I let go of my "woe-is-me" story and all of the reasons it prevented me from being and doing more, and my life transformed in ways I'd never known to even dream of...

I am happier, more fulfilled, and more passionate about my life than I ever knew it was possible to be. My life has gone from something I must "deal" with and "get through," to something I cherish every moment of. It's that very transformation in my own life that drives me to want to help others to transform their lives. It's why I do what I do...because I want others to experience the joy of living life fully, of going after their dreams, of being passionate about life and all it has to offer. I want others to experience the magic I have.

I think you'll agree that my "why" story is much more compelling and inspiring than my "woe-is-me" story could ever be. 

Transforming your "woe-is-me" story into your "why" story

Drop the drama of your "woe-is-me" story and look at how you can transform it into an inspiring story of why you do what you do. Ask yourself:

• What about your past experience inspired you to go into business to serve others?
• What past experiences make you uniquely qualified to serve others?
• What difference do you want to make in the world and for others?

Don't censor yourself in an attempt to say what you think others want you to say, or to say what you think you "should" say. Speak boldly and authentically from your heart. It's that genuine expression of who you are and why you do what you do that will speak to, and resonate with, those you're meant to serve, and that has the power to transform your life and your biz.

Say What You Need to Say

 Whether you're writing posts for your blog, writing marketing copy, or speaking to potential clients if you really want to connect with your market you've got to say what you need to say. Not what you think others want you to say, or what you think you should say, but what you need to say, what you feel called to say.

A couple of weeks ago, after talking with a client about getting the word out about her services, I received an email from her, that said in part:

"These days, there are few things that have me feeling scared. The greatest fear I experience is around our marketing. I often will literally have fear - I break out in a sweat when getting ready to send out a marketing piece or when I make changes on our website. It all ties in with my fears of being misunderstood.

I've spent a lot of time trying to control situations to make sure that everyone is getting what I actually mean and not misinterpreting me and forming false assumptions. Since I can't control anyone, clearly this is a losing proposition! Then the idea of putting a marketing piece out into the ethers (on the internet) where I have absolutely no idea who is looking at it and what they are thinking - well, no wonder my fear goes through the roof!"

No wonder is right. And she's not alone in recognizing that it's scary to put yourself out there like that for all to see, and inevitably, criticize. But here's the thing...holding back or editing yourself in an attempt to please everyone is actually counter-productive. Your message, the message you feel called to share with others, isn't meant to appeal to everyone, because you aren't meant to serve everyone. In the attempt to please everyone your message will actually lose much of the appeal it would have held for those you are meant to serve.

Saying what you need to say, without restraint, will be incredibly appealing and will resonate in a big way with those you're meant to serve. When you say what you need to say, those you're meant to serve will know, without doubt, that they're in the right place, that they've found the right person, or product, or program or blog, to serve their needs.

And those that don't get it? You aren't meant to serve them and saying what you need to say creates a filter so that you don't waste time (yours or the potential client's) venturing into work with a client who isn't ideal for you, and for whom you aren't ideal. They'll move on to someone else. Someone who is better-suited to serve them.

If you've been holding back, censoring yourself, because you're afraid of how others may react, let me say it again...your message, the message you feel called to share with others, isn't meant to appeal to everyone, because you aren't meant to serve everyone.

Focus instead on speaking from your heart as if to a dear friend. Relax and let your passion for your message shine through. It's that passion that will make an almost instant connection with those you're meant to serve. Working with those you're meant to serve is what it's all about...it's energizing, exciting, meaningful, and incredibly fulfilling.

So say what you need to say! Practice right here, right now...in the comments below...what are your thoughts? What holds you back from speaking your mind, from sharing your passion? What's the worst thing that could happen if you began to say what you need to say? And how would saying what you need to say impact you and your biz in a positive way?


Photo originally uploaded by Michelle Brea

Spam By Any Other Name...Is Still SPAM

Spamming your market is NOT a good way to build your list. While you'd think that wouldn't need to be said, apparently it does.

I'm not talking about the "buy viagra cheap" kind of spam. Those folks are in the business of spamming. It's what they do and with the evolution of spam filters, most of it winds up in your spam folder where you don't have to deal with it. It's an annoyance that we've all accepted isn't likely to stop any time soon.

I'm talking about legitimate businesses that spam. Legitimate businesses that think adding a disclaimer to their spam somehow magically makes it something other than what it is...SPAM.

A case in point...I have received numerous email broadcasts from a business that prior to being spammed by them, I'd never heard of. I'd never visited their website, opted in to any offers, or in any other way given them permission to market to me.

At the end of each of these emails, advertising programs I have absolutely no interest in, is this disclaimer:

You have received this invitation due to specific educational affiliation. We respect your privacy and want to ensure that interested parties are made aware of (Biz name removed) programs and schedules. This is intended to be a one-time announcement. In any event, you should not receive any more announcements unless there is a program next year in your area. To be unlisted from next year's announcement, send a blank e-mail to (email address removed) and write "Unlist" in the subject line.

This is complete crap. I have no "specific educational affiliation" with this business, and if they respected my privacy they would never have spammed me with their announcements in the first place. Clearly it's not intended to be a one-time announcement or I wouldn't be receiving them on average once a week, and never have any of the programs been in my area.

Even more aggravating is the fact that sending an email requesting to be unlisted has not stopped the spam. Emailing the sender directly, after visiting the website to find the contact email, has also not stopped the spam.

Even if these were programs I had some interest in, I don't care to do business with a company that thinks it's okay to spam.

And while I'm on this rant about spam, let me just say that I find it every bit as annoying and aggravating when a Facebook "friend" spams me. Just because I've accepeted your friend invitation doesn't mean I'm giving you permission to add me to your email marketing list.

No matter how desperate you are to build your list, take the time to do it right. Please, please, please...don't resort to spamming others in an attempt to build your list. It will backfire in a BIG way. Pissing off potential clients is no way to build your list or your business. 

Facebook - The Ultimate in Online Networking?

World Connection in Blue - Originally uploaded by meyshanworld

I've been a bit slow to jump on the social media bandwagon and it was only last week that I finally joined Facebook. When I first started hearing all the hype about social media I wasn't sure if it was simply a fun and easy way to connect with friends or if, as I was hearing,  it might not also be the ultimate in online networking for entrepreneurs.

I was reluctant to join because I feared it would require more time than I have and be more work than I want to undertake for something I wasn't sure would deliver any significant benefits. Even if it delivered some benefits I was concerned it would prove to be a distraction more than anything else.

I've been pleasantly surprised to discover that while it might be a distraction of sorts, it's providing the means to re-connect with friends, colleagues, and previous clients that I've been out of touch with for quite some time and I'm loving it. After only a few days on Facebook I'm discovering that there are significant benefits, just a few of which are:

1. Facebook is proving to be a very effective way to broaden my network of service providers to refer others to. As a coach/consultant and blogger I like to be able to connect my clients, colleagues, and readers with other service professionals who can be of help to them in their lives and their businesses.  A case in point...one of the first people to befriend me on Facebook was Howell Burnell. I'd lost touch with him a year or two ago and couldn't have been more delighted to not only re-connect but to be reminded of his creative genius with website branding, copywriting and design...something my clients and colleagues are often looking for, and it felt great to be able to refer readers to him in a yesterday's post.

2. Facebook can serve as the virtual water cooler that those of us that work from home often miss. Even brief online interactions with Facebook friends gives me a greater sense of connection and re-energizes me. As an entrepreneur who works from home there are days when I realize the only contact I've had  with other living beings since Glenn left for work, are with my sweet puppy and my cat. Working solo from home can be very isolating.

3. It's a great way to not only re-connect with others, but to make new connections through mutual Facebook friends, or through membership in a variety of groups. I've never been a big fan of traditional, in-person networking events where the main goal seems to be to traverse the room in a race to collect as many business cards as possible, and while some will claim that online networking will never be as effective as in-person connections, I'd beg to differ. Facebook can be used to make genuine connections with others.

I'm still fumbling around on Facebook. There's a lot to explore and I've only just begun. So if you've been on Facebook for awhile and know your way around well, I'd love to hear about any tips or tricks that might make my little adventure easier. What are your favorite aspects of Facebook? What are the pros and cons as you see them?

I'm hoping Facebook will also allow me to get to know my readers better, so if you're on Facebook I'd love it if you'd add me as a friend. If you're not on Facebook but you're curious about it, I'd love to have you along for the ride, and it takes only moments to join.

Could Your Website Use a Little Help?

If your website isn't all it could be, if it doesn't express who you are and how you can help, if it isn't connecting you with your ideal clients in the way you know it could, if only... your brand were more clear, your copywriting more powerful, or the design more engaging, then you need the help and creative genius of Howell Burnell and Charlie Creative.

Howell Burnell is an all-around great guy and one of the most genuine and creative people I know. His passion for the help he provides to small biz owners is evident in his voice when he speaks of his work. Not only can he help your website to more clearly express all that it needs to,  but you'll have fun in the process, and his infectious enthusiasm will re-energize you as well. If you need help with website branding, copywriting, or design, there's no one I'd recommend more highly than Howell.

And for some great articles on how website branding and copywriting contribute to small biz success, check out his blog too.

Must-Read Blog: Sproutwire

You know those moments where you thunk yourself upside the head and wonder, "Why didn't I think of that?!" Well, I had one of those moments when I first saw Sproutwire. Sproutwire is the brilliant brain child of Shane Pearlman & Peter Chester. It's a blog that offers, as they put it, "a daily dose of the best small business articles that the internet has to offer." 

Oh, if only I'd thought of that myself. <g> It's currently in beta but I expect it's going to be very popular and successful. Take a few moments to check it out for yourself, and if you come across, or have written, a great post let Sproutwire know by sending them an email. If they use the article they'll give you a mention and link to your site or blog.

How to Insult Your Market and Piss-off Potential Clients

If you've ever wondered how to insult your market and piss-off your potential clients, rest-assured it's easier than you might think. Simply:

Use manipulation and subtle (or not so subtle) emotional blackmail in your marketing; Play on your potential clients' fears in an attempt to control them, rather than speaking authentically about what you have to offer in a genuine effort to help them.

Insulting your market's intelligence in this way is a sure-fire way to piss-off your potential clients. Your market isn't stupid. They'll see right through any contrived attempts to manipulate them. And if you're in a service business because you have a genuine desire to help others, using manipulation and emotional blackmail in your marketing isn't necessary.

Contrary to some schools of thought, you don't have to use a lot of hype, lull your market into a hypnotic stupor, or get them to buy instantly by creating a false sense of urgency.  Although...doing so will provide an additional bonus - not only will you insult your market and piss-off potential clients you'll demonstrate a complete lack of integrity too!

Unless that's your intention, a much more effective marketing strategy is to simply speak passionately to your market about why you do what you do, what the benefits of the service or product you provide are, and how it will enhance their lives by meeting a need or desire they already have. Nothing will resonate more strongly, or connect you more powerfully, with your market. True passion can't be faked.

Marketing doesn't have to be about manipulating and coercing your market into buying something they don't need. Authentic marketing is all about getting your message out in front of those who are already wanting and needing what you have to offer. It's about connecting with those you're meant to serve, rather than marketing to them.

Creating Appealing Marketing Promotions - Don't Make This Mistake

Over the weekend I was browsing through a grocery store circular as I was putting together a shopping list. It's not a task I typically find to be especially amusing, but on this day I found it very entertaining. An ad in the circular had me all but rolling on the floor I was laughing so hard.

The store was offering a special promotion:

2 Cartons of Dreyer's Ice Cream FREE When You Purchase 12 Stouffer's Lean Cuisine Entrees

Seriously?! Whose brilliant marketing idea was that?! And what could they possibly have been thinking?!

One of the key concepts in designing a promotion that will appeal to your market and prompt them to purchase is to design it with their needs and desires in mind. It seems pretty straight-forward to me that Stouffer's Lean Cuisine market is calorie-conscious, and that although some of them may indulge in the occasional bowl of ice cream, most probably don't want the temptation of 2 half-gallon cartons sitting in the freezer. It would have made more sense to offer a complimentary product that supports the lifestyle choices that someone purchasing Stouffer's Lean Cuisine entrees is obviously making.

The next time you begin to brainstorm a promotional offer for your market be sure you don't make the same mistake. Take the time to identify what your market really needs and wants and you'll be sure to create a promotion that your market will find too appealing to resist.

Choose Your Domain Name VERY Carefully

I just happened across a fabulous post titled, "Does Your Domain Name Suck?" by Wendy Piersall on her eMOMS AT HOME blog. I'm still laughing. It's hysterical and will make you wonder what on earth some of these folks could have been thinking when they chose their domain names. If you're in the process of choosing a domain name you've got to read this post. Even if you're not...take a moment to read it anyway. I can't think of a better way to wrap up your Monday than with a good laugh.